Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Not superwoman

Having been a career focused person before having my baby i often find myself still trying to control my day with lists of 'to do' items, plans and intentions. Often getting almost none of it accomplished i get frustrated at the lack of time in the day and not being able to just get stuck into something until its done. I really should have learnt by now that that's just not how babies work and i need to slow down and take a breath. When my son was born he had feeding problems, as well as reflux, colic and cow's milk protein intolerance but none of this i knew until he was nearly 6 weeks old. What i did know is that he cried a lot and didn't sleep. We would routinely be up every 30mins to an hour through the night crying (both of us), eating (both of us again) and settling. I probably looked a lot like this but with socks.

But I remember looking at him once he had finally fallen asleep and despite it all (including my 4 hours of broken sleep each night) i adored him, he was the most wonderful thing on earth. In hindsight i think it was lucky i didn't lose my mind and that he didn't get put out with the recycling. I loved him but he was a hard baby. This was my crash course in 'you can not control everything 101'. I would get up every day and think all i want to do today is catch up on the washing and dishes, baaahhh wrong, not happening.

Initially i was distressed by it but i quickly learned to adjust my goals to things like - wear p.j's all day, attend to all baby's needs every time he squeaks and cuddle and stare adoringly at baby whenever possible. It was a revelation, breathe, stay in the present, deal with whats happening right now and don't think about what might happen later. It was lifesaving. So today i was rather surprised that 5 months on i was back to square one and i had a list of 10 things to accomplish in my day as well as care for baby and catch up with a friend. Inevitably i got to the end of my day and was so annoyed that i had once again not completed my list and then i realised what i had done today instead. I had cuddled, loved and played with my son until he giggled and squealed with delight. I had got up, got dressed, caught up with a friend and done a bit of housework. Not a bad day in my books. I suppose in life its all about perspective, whats important and whats not. Take the time to breathe and enjoy whats happening right now. And at the end of the day i'm sure my 6 month old will forgive me for not making his new bean bag or toy box today, i'm sure he'd thank me for the giggles and love instead. I think i can live with not being superwoman.

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